Hollowed-out Heart

More than empty,

I wait for some kind of feeling

to resurrect me.

My hollowed-out heart

is left aching

to be filled

by some kind of hope.

If I bury my heart in the shallows,

keep it down with a millstone of triviality,

it leaves us wanting, leaves us numb.

Instead I bear the crushing

that hollows my heart .

Image by solart from Pixabay

Dark Hours

I remember the world felt young

As if anything could happen, anything be done

And when I thought of who I’d become

I didn’t see these years, I didn’t feel this numb

You’ve got a fighter, a fighter on your hands

And those wars that made me what I am

are still in play

I survived those dark hours and I’ll carry on today

Image by PolarityFlow from Pixabay

The Ashes of Freedom

Open the prison doors

but my mind is still in lockdown

You pushed the lever that set the gears in motion

I’m an open flame

burn it all down

won’t you burn with me

I’m silent. I can’t speak.

shut down even when I’m awake

I can’t remember anything

maybe it’s better this way –

stay numb so it doesn’t matter when the words don’t come

what I enjoy becomes

a burden,

something to avoid

Burn this Candle

Burn this candle late at night,

when you see no hope in sight.

When the lights have gone out

and all that’s left is doubt,

burn this candle to give you light.

And don’t give up without a fight.

Even when the world seems dim,

live your life upon a whim.

Dare to be all that you can.

Then, look and see how you’ve ran.

You will see you’ve gone the distance

because you didn’t lose your resistance.

For one little glimmer of light

burned for you on your darkest night.

Burn this candle to rekindle your life.

ACR circa 2002

Image by Tapani Hellman from Pixabay

In the Absence of

I have the keys to everything but I can’t find the door.

I’m a poison dagger, baby. Maybe you should run or do you want more?

I’m an echo of yesterday, why is it so hard to walk away?

I try and I try but don’t know if I’m able.

People assign you a weight when you carry the wrong name.

Try to hide, lost the years because I was paralyzed.

Wish I was numb but all that’s clear is the ache, waiting for their patience to break.

Image by Peter H from Pixabay

What I’m Not

I’m not a superwoman.

Why is that the standard? Why is it the prize?

Everyday, I try to be better, but there’s never enough time.

No, sometimes I surprise myself with all the ways I don’t get it right.

When every moment must carry the weight of yesterday and the fear of tomorrow, I am condemned and hopeless.

I walk lockstep with the pattern, routine, familiarity as was shown to me. It flows in my veins; there’s nowhere to run.

grinding, twisting, painful existing

I try to pluck it out but it still bursts out,

like a field of dandelions when you wanted a lawn.

Image by StockSnap from Pixabay


My children laugh and play

I hope they have joy as the day fades

I made myself forget my yesterdays

but sometimes the pain returns,

takes my breath away

it makes a fear that won’t go away

Standing on the edge of the blade

I’m already cut

I already bleed

All of the life leaving me

But I still I go on, 

I go on

I made myself forget my yesterdays

but sometimes the pain returns,

wound so tight I can barely breathe

still I go on

Image by StockSnap from Pixabay


I’ve got this fire in me, I can’t see for the flames.

Do you see me burning?

I’m burnt out, holding the shame.

The problem with discerning 

is that once you know, you know what you know.

You carry their burden, letting it burn you down.

Maybe I’m a phoenix, if only I could rise.

Rise above, rise above my life.

I’m afraid to make a sound; I’m afraid to fight — 

the poster child for a locked-up life.

Carrying the burden while I’m burning down.

breathe in, breathe in, breathe in, breathe out

find the focal point

Dawn draws near, I can feel it now.



Image by Andreas Samuelsson from PixabayI