Have you had one of those days (or weeks) lately? The ones where you are counting the minutes until the end of the day (be it the work day, your spouse gets home, the kids bedtime…) but then when the end of the day is upon you, you find yourself wondering what you spent all day doing because the to-do list hasn’t shortened.
In response to those day, I wrote an earlier post about weakness and my frustration at that weakness. Too weak to convince my toddler that, yes, he does need a nap. Too weak to calm the baby from whatever was bothering him. Too weak to keep the dishes from piling up every time I turned away from the sink. Too weak to keep the laundry baskets from overflowing. Too weak to complete my work. Too weak to do activities I enjoy, like reading or writing. Too weak to hold a conversation with my husband. Too weak to keep myself composed. To weak to be myself.
On those days when my weakness seems to spiral out of control, I tend to get angry with that weakness. Then I get angry with myself, the life I am in and everyone in it. I get angry at God. I would scream in my mind all day “I CAN’T DO THIS” while trying to do it. The breaking point this week was when I told my husband he should have married someone else, some one who could do “this” or who already had kids or (the worst) who couldn’t have kids.(Are you every appalled at your thoughts and words?) Later that night or next day some of my thinking patterns became clear to me: I was convinced that I could not meet any goal, and I was sure that my husband, my children, my God would be better off without me. But what are we to be convinced of, sure of? Philippians 1:6 (AMP) addresses just that:
And I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He Who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ [right up to the time of His return], developing [that good work] and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you.
So it is not surety of self (all the more so when you are sure of your weaknesses).Out of all my jumbled thoughts and frustrations at that time, one question focused: What can I do? When we feel our failures down to our core, what can we do? Love.
Maybe you are struggling to be a good parent, spouse, or just struggling in whatever role you are in, be assured that you are in your family for a reason, and that reason is not in your abilities or in your inabilities but it is because God began that work and He is the one responsible for bringing it to completion.